IM'ing With The Commissioners, Vol. V

My NSA sources took time out from their search for those lost RNC emails to share a Sunday night conversation between the LPGA's Commissioner Carolyn Bivens and PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem. This followed Sunday's bizarre day in which the LPGA event on CBS was delayed, the PGA Tour's Heritage play on CBS cancelled by high winds, and with the delayed LPGA's event on CBS airing on The Golf Channel.

DaBrandLady: tim, you there?

twfPGATour©: Hi Carolyn.

DaBrandLady: Rough day for the product.

twfPGATour©: I know, our consumers had to listen to Bobby Clampett on two channels at once.

DaBrandLady: oh. I meant the winds.

DaBrandLady: i thought he was great on the ginn. we feel lucky to have his insights.

twfPGATour©: Yes you are. He's a big talent.

DaBrandLady: say tim, I know the ginn on cbs was an ad buy for us and all, but since it was running long and the heritage was in that hurricane delay, don't you think we could have seen more of our event shown live on cbs instead of tape from last year's heritage?

twfPGATour©: Well you know I wish could have helped, but as you well know the platform layering dynamics are intensely complicated.

DaBrandLady: ha! i actually wrote a dissertation on that when I was at the usa today and they wanted to change the life's section color from purple to navy blue.

DaBrandLady: anyway, i do know all about the parameters involved. it just seemed odd to have our event going on with so many dynamic young women-American golfers competing with a future hall of famer, and then to turn and see you all teasing the viewer with updates before heading back to tape of last year.

twfPGATour©: I feel your pain Carolyn. It's out of my hands.

DaBrandLady: and for cbs, what an opportunity to declare their devotion to young women-american athletes in light of the dan imos de-branding thing.

twfPGATour©: It's actually Don Imus I believe.

DaBrandLady: of course, silly me!

DaBrandLady: say, that new creative with zach johnson was quite exquisite.

twfPGATour©: Yes, fortuitous timing for strengthening our family of brands and for Zach's ability to leverage the equity in his newfound brand stature.

DaBrandLady: whoever thought of using him in those new spots should get a big raise!

twfPGATour©: Glad you reminded me of that Carolyn. I'm making a note right now to bump Tom Wade's salary another $100,000 a year. He's undervalued at $550,000 per year.

DaBrandLady: say, speaking of salary Tim, did you see this sports business journal article about how much I'm making?

twfPGATour©: They had you at around $500,000 I believe.

DaBrandLady: yes they got it off this battlestar web site that monitors non-profits.

twfPGATour©: Guidestar.

DaBrandLady: well, anyway, i was looking around their site and i noticed you guys have managed to keep your most recent tour returns off. how do i do the same thing? because my brand coaches feel i took a hit in light of the fact that i'm only making a half-mil while you are making $7 million and Len Zelig is making $14.5 million.

twfPGATour©: it's Bud Selig and can you believe that? I need to go back to the policy board for a raise.

DaBrandLady: right, so how do I stop this brand-damaging from going online?

twfPGATour©: well it's a legal issue for us, but if you call Ed M he'll explain how to do it. It's a layered process that involves many dynamics and metrical platform delineational restructuring with the IRS.

DaBrandLady: oh, and here i was hoping it was just something powell-tate handled up in d.c.

twfPGATour©: Well, there's that too.

DaBrandLady: great! thanks tim!

twfPGATour©: My pleasure Carolyn. Give my best to, uh...

DaBrandLady: he says hi back!