Best of BivenSpeak 2006

And just think, the LPGA Commissioner has not been fired (yet), so we have at least another year of fun!

Some of her finest moments involved the use (or misuse) of big words. (Note to Carolyn Bivens: when Finchem uses coterminously, he actually knows what it means.) My favorite:

There's two messages that have gotten out in some cases and we just plain haven't been able to reel back in. One is that we were very capricious and the (ShopRite) date went to the highest bidder. No. 2 is that we just don't care about long-term sponsors. Again, not the case.

Capricious. Uh, according to answers.com: Characterized by or subject to whim; impulsive and unpredictable. You go Carolyn...go to a dictionary!

Other highlights in the Bivens repertoire included this to John Branch of the New York Times:

“I really don’t have three heads, I don’t have an eye in the middle of my forehead, and I do speak in complete sentences."

And my favorite, to Steve Elling in the Orlando Sentinel:

"We're trying to open endorsement opportunities to women. We're trying to raise purses. Isn't that appalling? My, my, go back in the kitchen."

Of course there wasn't just the flippant stuff, but the deep insights into American business and your required references to the "product," like this one:

We have the most talented and marketable trend setting group of athletes that a sport could ask for. And we're providing value for the rest of the world, and we're beginning to benefit from a product that's turning in a great return on investment and the best is yet to come.

And here's one you'll want to write down:

"It’s no different than any other corporation or private citizen," she said. "You figure out your salary is X, your expenses are Y. If you’ve got a mortgage that the interest rate is going up next year, you’ve got to figure out … do you take an extra job? It’s life."