Meltwater: Biggest Losers After PGA Tour’s Secret Bonus Pool Is Revealed

Politics had Watergate and Whitewater. Now golf has Meltwater. You know, for that marketing metric you’d never heard of until now and still can’t believe a brand tracker put melt in the title.

It’s hard to know how to start unpacking the bombshell dropped by Golfweek and Golf Channel contributor Eamon Lynch. He revealed a Player Impact Program funneling $40 million in bonus money to stars based on a bunch of doubtable, crackable and corruptable marketing metrics. Lynch’s reporting may end up permanently branding the Monahan era as nothing more than a marketing operation offended it has to be associated with golf.

Now, I realize the post title said “Losers”. But longtime readers know of my faith and devotion to the power of positive thinking. So some the Winners first.

Winners

—FedExCup/WhateverTheyCallTheWyndhamRewards Now. You both look so cool now as almost-legitimate points races requiring players to play golf and perform for cash. It’s all so sportsy and above-board compared to the “PIP”. Still, not interesting at all, but definitely merit-based.

—The Premier Golf League. You sought to make the rich richer AND make pro golf more interesting to watch. Nice contrast to relying on Meltwater Mentions and a company founded by el padre de Jordan Spieth. Plus, nothing you did failed as miserably as the Super League.

—Bots. Think of the prices they can charge players in pursuit of PIP Top 10 money? “So if you finish 8th it’s a $3 million bonus? Okay, at that price we can do 800k searches that’ll set off alarm bells at The Google. Spell your last name again? Is it R-E-E-D like the things in the swamp, or R-E-A-D like a book?”

—PGA Tour Coffers. A new $65 million Global Home. Kicking in millions in purse money each week during the pandemic as revenues decline? Then spending more than all of that combined on the new TPC Sawgrass entrance drive? I guess what’s another $40 million for ten special franchise-worthy guys who never cause any headaches? Take that rainy day fund, fellow non-profits!

—The One VP Muttering To Himself. “I told them the social media mavericks would mock the Meltwater Method!”

Losers

—Fans. This is what the PGA Tour brass came up with as a response to the PGL’s existential threat? This is what they’ve been spending time on to make players likable and get them to play more? Oh, and betting.

—Jay Monahan. This is what you came up with as a response to the PGL’s existential threat?

—FedExCup. You were included in the initial draft obtained by Golfweek, but a correction later in the day revealed you were dropped as the PIP success barometer came into focus. So all that money you pay and still not good enough for the Player Impact Program?

—Sponsors. The PGA Tour creates a bonus pool to reward stars but the reporting suggests sponsor-relations took a back seat to metrics. Players get points for Meltwater Mentions but not for showing up at the Pro-Am party and remembering the CEO’s name?

—Media Partners. A bonus pool without a single mention of outreach to big rights-paying TV partners or something rewarding a star for playing more often? This is how they use your rights money? To pay for Phil’s Jupiter home theater system and backyard coffee bar?

—Rory McIlroy. So that new Policy Board seat, does that earn you PIP Rewards? Because we know you’ll surely abstain from any votes on its future status or the bonuses of folks who devised a way to pay you for that shiny Q rating.

—Jordan Spieth. I’m sure Tour peers have no opinions about your vote on this matter and the invocation of your sire’s “MVPIndex”.

—Almost stars. Xander Schauffele and Patrick Cantlay barely know about the program, suggesting the pool was directed at a very select group. Sounds like the PIP futures are bleak for these ones. That’s okay, we writers like you both for being good quotes and different dudes.

—Agents. I don’t know how the ten-percenters structure their deals these days, but I can’t imagine many had a clause for something as bizarre as the Player Impact Program. But if the client would like the office interns to spend all day Google searching “Billy Horschel Players Championship Food Drive”, the client will need to pay the appropriate commission.

—The 50 PGA Tour Employees Laid Off During The Pandemic. If you accounted for $5 million in salary I’d be surprised. That’s like third place money in this pool no one was supposed to know about. Those lame pandemic layoffs get even lamer.

—The PGL. They see you as a threat and can’t even rip-off one of your many smart ideas.

—Athleticism. Not one metric rewards players for bicep size, how fast they run the 40, their bench press max, or even ESPN Body Issue appearances. Sad.