PIP Pandemonium: Phil Declares Victory, Tour Says Not So Fast, Morikawa Posts Dog Photo In Late 10th Place Play

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As the (not secret any more) Player Impact Program hurtles toward its year one conclusion, the silly bonus pool is wrapping with a deservedly absurd finish.

Phil Mickelson declared PIP victory two days before the calendar ended the comical bonus pool. This, despite just one top 10 against the under 50’s this year—the 2021 PGA Championship—Mickelson apparently used four Champions Tour wins to accrue the magical number of Google searches, Meltwater mentions, MVP Index points, Nielsen scores and Q-rating strength to edge Tiger Woods for the $8 million first place prize.

The closest you’ll get to a PIP victory speech since it’s a private matter:

You have to give Phil credit with the late rush of Tweets and replies while playing to the angry bro mobs, a key demo for accumulating Meltwaters by stirring up some virus questions and replying to Elon Musk.

Oh, but not so fast says Golfweek’s Eamon Lynch:

Maybe Phil’s premature celebratory Tweet will ensure victory? Or will the Commissioner and his team of independent analysts who tabulate Player of the Year totals find a way to de-Meltwater Phil’s late run?

These are just the kind of ramifications one deals with when the subject is a cockamamie concoction created for all the wrong reasons. Robert Lusetich summed up the farce best here:

Imagine that, discriminating against the youth trying to grow the game. Sad.

Speaking of the next generation, dream-demo Open Championship winner and dignified user of social media Collin Morikawa reportedly will finish 11th. This means he misses out on last place’s $3 million.

But showing vision and wisdom beyond his 24 years, Morikawa made a last ditch effort with social media gold: celebrating his 11th place finish with humor (on Twitter), and birthday well wishes to his labradoodle. Sources say the indices give extra weight to dog posts—and then triple that for any doodle—so there may still be hope for young Morikawa to crack the top 10 once that independent firm digs into the numbers!

Not since Freddie Tait posed with his dog Nails has a golfer’s dog potentially played such a key role in the game.

And then there’s Jim Herman, coming home strong even as they’re breaking down the bunting, packing up the barricades and still making his valiant PIP plays:

What a time for the game!