Exclusive: What Greg Norman’s Unacknowledged Hand-Delivered Note Said To Tiger Woods
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Thanks to exclusive recycle-bin scavengers in the greater Jupiter area, I’ve been able to piece together the post-Masters congratulatory note delivered to Tiger Woods by Greg Norman.
Norman admitted in Men’s Health that even after delivering to Woods’ security guard and identifying himself, Tiger has not thanked Norman for the thank you correspondence.
Forensic evidence suggests one of Woods’ staffers used the note to pick up defecation by the family pet, therefore handwriting experts are still working to confirm if the note was penned by Norman. However, several clinical psychiatrists can verify that it suggests the trademark signs of a note penned by a right-handed older male who wears copious amounts of sunscreen, may have once suffered a severe hand-injury trimming shrubs, and exhibits narcissistic tendencies.
Working through some of the pet stains, here is the best possible interpretation of the note:
Mate!
What a performance at the Masters! Congratulations from a fellow gym rat, living brand and member of the Major Club.
Look, I know we’ve had our moments and I’m ready to let bygones by bygones. Like, when I declared you’d never win another major, or when I said that I’d hate to see golf get lost again in that Tiger talk, or how ratings are up because you brought in new fans who really took to all of the young guys, or when you were looking intimidated by Rory, or that I defended Stevie Williams, or that I criticized The Match. All of that was fake news (well, except The Match part. That thing stunk!).
What isn’t fake is that my 285-foot yacht measuring 130 feet longer than yours with a fantastic wine cellar. Kirsten and I would love to have you and the lady friend over some time, maybe share some war stories about finishing off a win or where you see the equities market over the next five years. Guy-to-guy, man-to-man talk about how to be better than the guy you were yesterday.
Reach out any time. I know you have my mobile, or just DM me on Instagram, that’s where I spend most of my time these days,
Shark
PS: I’ve also got a golf cart that’s going to change the game and would love to take you on a spin around my property, which Zillow says it just a bit bigger than yours and way more valuable. Just saying, you have to see for yourself!
