"If somebody is going to wreck your grass, who else would you want fixing it than the USGA?"

It's day five for me at Merion and I'm still wrapping my head around entering the property through someone's backyard, and that's one of the least bizarre things about this U.S. Open.

Rick Reilly with a vintage column on the surreal scene players have mentioned at the registration and locker room site down at the West Course.

"I'm sitting there eating breakfast this morning with some guy's kid," says Mike Weir. "He was sitting on the couch, eating, oblivious to us even being there. Their dogs are running around. The guy's wife is coming in and out. We're watching "SportsCenter" and the kid changes over to the Golf Channel. I start to say, 'Hey wait a minute, kid … ' and then I realized, oh, yeah, this is his house.

The Gravinas' backyard? It houses the giant tent that is serving as the Player Locker Room. Why can't they just use Merion's actual locker room? Because it's the size of a U-Store-It (Reason No. 117).