"You can’t just kick off a golf telecast by showing golf anymore. No, no, you’ve gotta have a Hollywood-crafted history lesson with a somber narrator."

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SI's Gary Van Sickle is not at the Open Championship and we do miss his presence, especially when it comes to the kvetching about the R&A's weird design and coordination of operations designed to make it more difficult to do one's job.

Still, Van Sickle files an entertaining review of ESPN's first round telecast, including the mood-setting, oy-vey inducing Wright Thompson-narrated essays. (One note to Gary: no need to miss the bacon bap sandwiches for breakfast in the media center, they aren't here!)

According to the essayist, the modern world began in Manchester and Liverpool, but he curiously made no mention of Al Gore. It was high-falutin’ commentary and over the top and, I was about to say, almost laughable. Then came a line about playing grinder’s golf—numbing, brutal rounds “passing like graveyard shifts.” The previous generation, the narrator said, “changed the world. Maybe they changed it too much. Now we have ruins of our own” he said as shots of boarded-up and derelict buildings flashed across the screen. All right. That’s actually some good writing. I’ll quit complaining. The essay wasn’t bad.