Prince Andrew Tells Assembled Golf Aristocracy: Technology Has Been Great For The Game, Now Pick It Up And Get Those Prices Down!
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The R&A clubhouse two nights before another Open Championship.The Association of Golf Writers Annual Dinner assembled off the first fairway at St. Andrews for a traditional stained-tie gathering of suits and those who only wear them once-a-year. The celebration kicked off with drinks and mingling, followed by a delicious meal, a few awards presentations and two speeches from former Golf Magazine editor George Peper and the Duke of York, Prince Andrew.
Lee Westwood picked up his award for most excellent golf by a European in 2009 and displayed wit, charm and a quick sense of humor in addressing the audience, highlighted by his congratulations of good fortune to Tim Finchem on Steve Stricker's win at the John Deere last Sunday: "Lovely to see an American win on your tour."
Monty then accepted on Seve's behalf the Michael Williams Trophy for outstanding services to golf and delivered a nice tribute to the former Open Champion, who could not accept the award due to his health problems.
Emcee and current Chairwoman Lewine Mair introduced the American transplant to St. Andrews, George Peper, who spoke lovingly about his attachment to St. Andrews 21 years after buying a pad on the 18th fairway. Peper talked about the difference between the spectacle of the game and the spirit, and warned the audience not to confuse the two with a little Frank Hannigan tribute. He said it was Hannigan, when talking about pro golf, who stated it was nice, but not necessary.
This little challenge to an audience generally inebriated by the self-assurance of administering and writing about the sport surely got turned some heads. Peper then moved in with a killer portrait of a God forbid moment of the sea overtaking St. Andrews and that very building full of suits. He noted that the next day golfers around the world would set aside a few seconds of silence before going on with their regular game. The message: the game is bigger than whatever the assembled might believe is the sports center, even St. Andrews.
After a few stellar St. Andrews stories complete with excellent impersonations, Peper left the crowd fulfilled. Little did anyone know that the Duke of York would be offering the official "response," as the program described. And what a response it was, a marathon release of hot air that I was sure would lift the temporary tent and cart us all into the sea, almost as Peper had forecast!
Prince Andrew, errr...HRH, opened breezily enough by suggesting that he had "no idea why I'm here." The first few chapters of his speech, which was reportedly long enough to have been printed by special royal printers and flown in by his chums in the Royal Navy, first touched on the UK version of the First Tee, called On Course. It was all of the usual stuff about reaching out to the underprivileged youth, with a few twists. And then the former R&A Captain announced he would be touching on the subject of technology.
As the forlorn looks turned to sheer horror at the prospect of their least favorite subject coming up, the Prince dug in for a strong defense of the game.
"I would suggest the technology debate is nothing new," said HRH.
He acknowledged the pushing "of boundaries of innovation" and proceeded to make his case that technology debates were as old as the game itself, from the days of the featherie (which was still in use at the start of his speech) to the "days of urethane." The Prince then noted the constant change in some courses and the calls for a tournament ball, which he shot down because the evolution of technology has made the game easier and more fun for the masses. Golf, the fourth in line to the throne reported, "is a story of evolution and innovation and will continue to do so."
But, the former husband of Fergie said, "golf is not one-dimensional" and remains a game played "through the ears even for top professionals," and he said, it's simply a matter of finding a balance. He noted this balance may have been found since over the past decade there has been as much legislation from the governing bodies as the previous 150 years. He also noted that since 2002 there has been little or no distance expansion of note on the professional level.
In fact, Andrew contended, the new groove rule was doing a wonderful job returning a premium on accuracy, restoring the elements of risk and reward and most of all, that the R&A and USGA were fulfilling the difficult task of upholding the integrity of the game. This appeared to be the place in which he expected applause to break out, but the audience, not plied with enough libations to be that delusional, merely maintained their horrified expressions as the new honorary chair of the Drones Club seemed to be digging in for more. Or perhaps they recognized the irony of the Prince pointing out a suddenly regulatory surge just moments after suggesting that technology unregulated has taken the game to new heights.
The slimmed down Road hole (Click to enlarge)"I believe golf is fundamentally not broken," the Rear Admiral in the Royal Navy announced. "Like any tightrope walker, we need to balance a fine line." He was not referring to the tightrope walking necessary to navigate the 20 yard stretch of the 17th fairway that required single-file passage because the R&A is fearful of a long drive setting up a wedge approach shot.
As any speaker must do, the Prince then evoked the children, noting the need to cut out this business of building new courses longer as well as the need to speed the game up so that we can hand a better sport off to the next generation.
So just to clarify for those of you trying to keep score at home: don't regulate distance that might keep the courses shorter, faster and less expensive to play, but pick it up lads!
It was at this point I think I heard the first few snickers interspersed with the f-bombs and other snorts coming from Table 9. My own excluded.
The Prince, for the record, does not believe the pro game is to blame for slow play and that we all just need to be ready to play. Granted, this discounts that there might be three groups on a hole, all because too many folks are waiting for the formerly unreachable par-5 green to clear. But let's not get into details like that!
Furthermore, these every day courses do not need to all be championship length and "set up for the Sunday medal like the final round of the United States Open." Good advice from the man!
At this point the audience was no longer able to hide its pain or desire to catch a few z's as Andrew belched on about the joy of golf in the 2016 Olympics and the great hope he has of a special week at St. Andrews. And special is defined by? Why a win by a player from Great Britain or Ireland. It was so Chariots of Fire of him, and particularly respectful to the tour professionals present not of that pure GB&I stock.
Mercifully, the words "in conclusion" were uttered and the crowd managed to stave off a collective cheer. But 26 minutes in the Prince had managed to generate plenty of post-dinner conversation. For all of the wrong reasons. Cheerio!
