Tiger's Indefinite Leave Clippings, "And where the hell is he?" Edition

Day 44 of where in the world is Tiger Woods kicks off with a report from Kapalua. It sounds like he's the only thing anyone is talking about.

Doug Ferguson says "every season contains questions, yet every answer winds its way back to one player."

Pat Perez was asked for his list of questions about 2010 on the U.S. PGA Tour, and he wasted no time rattling off two of them.

"When is Tiger coming back?" he said. "And where the hell is he?"

SI's Ann Killion brings up the Nike question and writes:

Because the lens has changed, we'll never see Woods the same way again. AT&T and Accenture -- another corporation that severed ties with Woods -- realize that even if Nike's Phil Knight doesn't.

Knight, who linked Nike to Woods' star from the start and has invested millions in the golfer, claims that we will "look back on these indiscretions as a minor blip." But he has to say that, otherwise he has an entire line of golf gear and apparel and a multi-million dollar investment that is essentially worthless.

Bloomberg's Matthew Lynn takes a very different approach to the question of corporate ties to Tiger:

And yet, the companies dropping Woods, 34, are guilty of two sins, both of them worse than anything he might have to put down on his scorecard when he finally checks in with St. Peter.

Stupidity, most obviously. Woods will come back from this major setback, just as celebrities from Kate Moss to the Rolling Stones have done, and probably stronger than ever.

And, more seriously, the sponsors have misunderstood why they wanted celebrity endorsements in the first place. They need authenticity, not bland corporate perfection. If corporations aren’t willing to accept that their “ambassadors” are real people, with all the flaws and fallibilities that come with that package, there is no point in having them on the payroll.

Tom Shales tackles the Brit Hume comments and writes:

Hume has a message for Woods; lots of people will have a message for Hume. First off, apologize. You gotta. Just say you are a man who is comfortable with his faith, so comfortable that sometimes he gets a wee bit carried away with it. If Hume wants to do the satellite-age equivalent of going door-to-door and spreading what he considers the gospel, he should do it on his own time, not try to cross-pollinate religion and journalism and use Fox facilities to do it.

At the same Republican convention where Hume bemoaned his advancing years, he spoke of knowing when to leave the party and go home. "I'd like to walk away while I'm still doing okay," he said, "and not have people say, 'He was fading.' " It's easy to understand the sentiment, but Hume ought to know that what people are saying right now is a whole lot worse than that he's fading.

Lisa Miller at the Newsweek blog "The Gaggle":

In the ridiculous, gratuitous world of nonstop news, Hume was using his platform and his airtime to give Tiger some free advice, just as a recovering alcoholic might recommend a 12-step program. Hume's pronouncements might not be the most edifying television. They might lead viewers to wonder about his journalistic neutrality when it comes to delivering the news, but that's all. You have the remote control. If you don't like it, you can turn it off.

Stephanie Wei reports that former Canadiens coach Pat Burns is even more out of touch with reality than last week's old media superstars and is repeating the Tiger chain email as if it's his insider dirt. Wei also notes the far more pathetic news that the Canadian press is picking up the Burns account.

Wei also highlights some of Buzz Bissinger's more ridiculous Tiger and Lee Trevino comments during his Today Show interview and you can torture yourself watching Buzz and his earring here on Deadspin. At least he didn't repeat the whopper that Elin was a regular in the press center, sitting in on Tiger's press chats.

And finally, thanks to reader Brian for this AOL story on ways to tell if your man is sneaking around ala you-know-who.

Call it women's intuition. A sixth sense. "Just a feeling" that there's some action going on in your guy's love life that has absolutely nothing to do with you. If he's sneaking around like Tiger Woods, he may think he's slick, but chances are he's dropping clues like loose change. These 5 bad-boy behaviors could be flashing-red warning signs:

1. He starts acting overprotective of his cell phone or computer. This is one classic sign of a cheating heart that you shouldn't ignore. When simple phone calls or text messages put him on edge before he even picks up the phone, you know there's something fishy going on. If there were nothing to hide, he (and you) would have no reason to worry. And when he erases voice mail messages, hastily shuts down his laptop when you walk in the room or has lots of hushed phone calls, you've got a reason to worry.

Really? You think? Sure he's not working as a double agent?

2. He starts picking you apart. All of a sudden, quirks that he used to find charming (the way you sneeze, your tendency to snort when you laugh, your habit of chewing on the cap of your pen when you're deep in thought...)

Oh yeah, adorable stuff...

are targets for his ire. He can't resist making snarky or outright critical remarks toward you about things that really shouldn't matter. But don't try to reason with him. He's knocking you off the pedestal for one reason or another. It could be to demonize you so it's easier for him to "justify" his Tiger Woods-style transgressions.

Is Tiger on the way to becoming a verb for sleeping around? Now that's some accomplishment.