Finchem Merely Delighted At News Of Tiger's Return

My intelligence sources say the gang on Ponte Vedra labored over the Commissioner's press release, contemplating various versions of the proper adjective. After all, you don't want to offend the rest of the troops who have done such a stellar job holding the tour together in Tiger's absence.

Thanks to Microsoft Word, which allows us to view the in-house editorial tinkering, here's the version that was passed around the Vice Presidential tier, meaning 93 people had a shot at this all vital release, 99 if you count EVP's, SVP's and other assorted VP's with initials before their VP mantles:

Statement of PGA TOUR Commissioner Tim Finchem

We received confirmation today that Tiger Woods has committed to play in next week's World Golf Championships-Accenture Match Play Championship in Tucson, Arizona. We are captivated, charmed, ecstatic, elated, enchanted, entranced, excited, fulfilled, gladdened, gratified, joyous, jubilant, overjoyed, pleasantly surprised beyond words, thrilled, appreciative, charmed, contented to the extent we are exuberant, delighted that Tiger is returning to competition and look forward to watching him compete next week so that maybe people won't pay attention to this Stanford Financial boondoggle/debacle/nightmare   so that we might actually draw discernable television ratings again  in order to add another fine competitor to the FedEx Cup race.