Some People Really Want To See Tiger Do Oprah

Apparently Tiger hasn't suffered enough so if he ever wants to make another endorsement dollar again, so to make things right with the world, he must be subjected to 47 minutes of Oprah Winfrey lobbing softballs, interspersed with the inevitable tears and way too many annoying shots of audience members feigning concern for weepy Tiger's future all the while hoping he's brought a parting gift for each and every guest.

Larry Dorman files a mostly bad news-NY Times piece on Tiger's future endorsement prospects. Many of Tiger's problems were caused by poor crisis handling. At least according to one expert:

“There’s still an opportunity for Tiger to stop the bleeding,” said Mike Paul, the president and senior counselor at MGP & Associates public relations in New York. “But he cannot just remain silent, out of sight. He should have done a one-on-one interview within the first 24 to 48 hours. He should have done something like Oprah, and he needs to do it — that type of interview — and soon.”

And Rick Reilly at ESPN.com wants Tiger to shovel us the required cliches and other assorted red-white-and-blue horse puckey.

His reputation is shredded. His once-perfect name has been dragged through more mud than a Nantucket clam digger's boots. A once-spotless life is now an episode of "Cops."

So what now?

First, Oprah Winfrey.

"It has to be Oprah," says the king of Las Vegas publicity men, Dave Kirvin. "If you did a poll on who's most disgusted by this whole mess, it would be women. To win over those women, you need to win over Oprah. You win over Oprah, you win over America."

 Once he's on Oprah's couch, he says this:

"To my wife, to my kids, to my family, to my friends, to my fans, I am so sorry. You believed in me. You looked up to me. You thought I was different, and I let you down. I'm ashamed of myself. My mom is ashamed of me. I'm sure my dad would be ashamed of me. I'm an idiot."

Wait, that was Phil's line after Winged Foot.

Then he has to go full Tebow: "From this day forward, you will never see somebody work harder, 24 hours a day, to win back your trust."

And maybe he can slap on some black "War Paint" under the eyes, embed them with his favorite Bible verses, and hope Verne Lundquist reads the verses as Tiger prepares to play Augusta's 16th.