Reports: Stevie Williams To Spend Next Ten Years Impersonating Marcel Marceau

...that's because he appears to have a wonderfully forgiving boss. One who used to have a no-exploitation policy for his last looper who was canned for giving too long of an interview to Golf Digest (as Larry Dorman notes in his NY Times story).

Doug Ferguson chiming in for the Associated Press, and therefore, most publications:

Tiger Woods said Monday he was disappointed by his caddie’s disparaging comments in New Zealand newspapers about Phil Mickelson, whom Woods referred to as a “player I respect.”

Steve Williams was quoted in the Taranaki Daily News as saying he wouldn’t call Mickelson a great player “because I think he’s a (expletive).” Contacted by the Sunday Star Times, Williams confirmed making the comment.

“I was disappointed to read the comments attributed to Steve Williams about Phil Mickelson, a player that I respect,” Woods said in a statement. “It was inappropriate. The matter has been discussed and dealt with.”

Ferguson goes on to detail the past tiffs and other oddball moves by Williams, but neglects to mention his thrillingly entertaining race track meltdown!

What isn't explained in the story or any other is how Tiger addressed this with Phil Mickelson. Reader DGS emailed wondering if Tiger's "dealt with" comment includes calling Phil to apologize for his caddy? Maybe that'd be a good question for Wednesday's press conference.

Of course so would the termination question. Which Lawrence Donegan says is likely out of the question:

The world No1 was the best man at Williams' wedding in New Zealand and in a world where player-caddie relationships are notoriously transient the two men appear to have a permanent and close friendship.

Steve Elling files a must read with too many one-liners to copy here. Amid his entertaining dissection, Elling slips in this key point which can't be overlooked:

Imagine the thermonuclear holocaust that would have ensued if a comparable statement had come from Mackay about Woods.

Several have said Phil should not have responded at all by issuing the statement. However, Elling's point is exactly why Mickelson and his media guru T.R. Reinman made the right move. This story would have died had they not put the statement out. And if team unity means anything in the Cup world, the comments needed to be heard by all because Williams must not be a part of future Ryder and Presidents Cups (assuming he is still by Tiger come Cup-time).

Speaking of Tiger, who you almost feel sorry for him if it weren't for all of the previous warning signs that Mt. Stevie would blow, Elling paints this beautiful image:

It's not difficult to imagine how Woods is processing all this. He probably has a resigned look on his face similar to when playing partner Mickelson, at the Ryder Cup matches in Detroit four years ago, whacked a tee shot so far offline, it landed stone dead against a chain-link fence. This is a decidedly different brand of alternate shot. A cornerman is involved, too.

And as much as I'm touched by wonderful sportsmanship in the game, I have to side with Jason Sobel, who says this incident and the tension between the two best American golfers does nothing to tarnish the sport. In fact, it only helps generate interest.

Woods and Mickelson will never be confused with best friends -- their interpersonal gigglefest three years ago notwithstanding -- and that's not such a bad thing for the state of the game. In fact, it could make it all that more entertaining, knowing that each player wants to win a given tournament as much as he wants the other to lose. Such emotion instills passion on the course and ensures there will be greater drama between the players when they next tee it up together.

And Ron Kroichick in the San Francisco Chronicle agrees, delving into an interesting comparison with Nicklaus and Palmer's relationship.

It's difficult to digest all this middle-school name-calling without A) chuckling at the whole silly, entertaining spectacle, B) imagining Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus engaging in a similar feud in the 1960s and C) realizing this makes the 2009 season all the more alluring.