Punchlines In Need Of Finetuning

Richard Hinds offers new Australian Open tournament director Paul McNamee to defend some of his rumored changes to the event, and it becomes a chance for him to debut his stand up routine. Kind of makes long for the wit and wisdom of Carolyn Bivens...

"I've had people come up to me saying absurd things like, 'I've heard you're going to have girls in bikinis caddying for the players'," he said.

"That's just ridiculous. Have you ever tried to find 100 swimsuit models strong enough to carry those heavy bags around for four days? I have and it's just not feasible."

McNamee admitted that several initiatives not mentioned at the launch would be in place. "When I said the tournament would be following some of the fine golf traditions created by the ancient Scots, I meant Ronnie Corbett, not old Tom Morris," he said.

Accordingly, the Australian Open is believed to be the first significant championship at which a randomly selected member of each group will unwittingly be given a novelty exploding golf ball on the first tee. "That should start things off with a bang," said McNamee, who admitted some of his punchlines would need finetuning before the tournament.

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