Knockdown Shots

The Orlando Sentinel's Steve Elling offers (Tribune paper reg.required) his always entertaining "Knockdown Shots" column. A few favorites:

News item: Residents of The Villages, a growing retirement golf community located northwest of Orlando, will attempt to break the Guinness Book of World Record mark for longest golf cart parade in a charity fundraiser on Sept. 4. The record is 1,138 carts.

Knockdown shot: Noting the average age of the residents and the heat this time of year, we're betting there will be a few dozen ambulances padding the back end of the procession, too.

News item: There was good news on the Appleby front, though. His peers, in a Sports Illustrated poll, voted him as the owner of the coolest car on tour. Appleby owns a yellow Lamborghini.

Knockdown shot: In the spirit of full disclosure, Appleby reports that he not only didn't own the best car on tour, but didn't have the hottest ride at Isleworth. That honor clearly goes to Woods, who recently bought a $450,000 Porsche Carrera GT, which he has since sold. "Made mine look like a Datsun," Appleby cracked.

News item: On the 16th hole, Appleby uncorks a drive of at least 400 yards in each of the first three rounds last week, an astounding feat.

Knockdown shot: A dizzying total of 40 players are averaging more than 295 yards per drive in 2005 - and so are three geezers on the Champions Tour, players who didn't hit it that far in their prime. As for the asleep-at-the-wheel governing body of golf, it is technology-driven stats like this that make me ashamed to be a USGA member.