"I wouldn't like to pass a golf ball."

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Thanks to Mike Johnson for Tweeting Colin Gilmore's story about Callaway, the golf ball swallowing python who confused the balls for eggs but was saved by doctors at Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary in Australia.

Dr Pyne said snakes had an incredible ability to swallow objects as they could dislocate their jaws, but they could not necessarily digest everything they eat.

"I wouldn't like to pass a golf ball," he said.

Only In Golf Files: The Expandable ED Smuggling Bag

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Ryan Reilly with the report (thanks reader Blue Pill) of Kil Jun Lee, a 71-year-old former Korean law enforcement officer arrested for attempting to smuggle nearly 40,000 boner pills worth $700,000 in his golf bag.

Lee's arrest comes after U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) officers at LAX discovered more than $700,000 worth of phony erectile dysfunction pills in his luggage when he returned from a trip to Korea Feb. 25. Specifically, the criminal complaint states that Lee's luggage contained 29,827 counterfeit Viagra tablets, 8,993 counterfeit Cialis pills and 793 phony Levitra tablets, all concealed in aluminum foil wrapped packets. According to the complaint, when HSI agents at LAX questioned Lee about whether the medication was for his personal use, he said if he used all of the pills it would kill him because he had a heart condition.

At least he knows his limitations in one department!

"Play a game that you want to play."

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Dear Younger Me :
 
I can’t play golf anymore. I tried to swing the club the other day, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. The best I can do now is sometimes take walks on the course, but my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be so I don’t see much. I have a lot of time to sit and think now, and I often think about the game.
 
It was my favorite game. I played most of my adult life. Thousands of rounds, thousands of hours practicing. As I look back, I guess I had a pretty good time at it. But now that I can’t do it anymore, I wish I had done it differently.
 
It’s funny, but with all the time I spent playing golf, I never thought I was a real golfer. I never felt good enough to really belong out there. It doesn’t make much sense, since I scored better than average and a lot of people envied my game, but I always felt that if I was just a little better or a little more consistent, then I’d feel really good. I’d be satisfied with my game. But I never was. It was always “One of these days I’ll get it” or “One day I’ll get there” and now here I am. I can’t play anymore, and I never got there.
 
I met a whole lot of different people out on the course. That was one of the best things about the game. But aside from my regular partners and a few others, I don’t feel like I got to know many of those people very well. I know they didn’t really get to know me. At times they probably didn’t want to. I was pretty occupied with my own game most of the time and didn’t have much time for anyone else, especially if I wasn’t playing well.
 
So why am I writing you this letter anyway, just to complain? Not really. Like I said, my golfing experience wasn’t that bad. But it could have been so much better, and I see that so clearly now. I want to tell you, so you can learn from it. I don’t want you getting to my age and feeling the same regrets I’m feeling now.
 
I wish, I wish. Sad words, I suppose, but necessary. I wish I could have played the game with more joy, more freedom. I was always so concerned with “doing it right” that I never seemed to be able to enjoy just doing it at all. I was so hard on myself, never satisfied, always expecting more. Who was I trying to please? Certainly not myself, because I never did. If there were people whose opinions were important enough to justify all that self-criticism, I never met them.
 
I wish I could have been a better playing partner. I wasn’t a bad person to be with, really, but I wish I had been friendlier and gotten to know people better. I wish I could have laughed and joked more and given people more encouragement. I probably would have gotten more from them, and I would have loved that. There were a few bad apples over the years, but most of the people I played with were friendly, polite, and sincere. They really just wanted to make friends and have a good time. I wish I could have made more friends and had a better time.
 
I’m inside a lot now and I miss the beauty of the outdoors. For years when I was golfing I walked through some of the most beautiful places on earth, and yet I don’t feel I really saw them. Beautiful landscapes, trees, flowers, animals, the sky, and the ocean – how could I have missed so much? What was I thinking of that was so important – my grip, my backswing, my stance? Sure, I needed to think about those sometimes, but so often as to be oblivious to so much beauty? And all the green – the wonderful, deep, lush color of green! My eyes are starting to fail. I wish I had used them better so I would have more vivid memories now.
 
So what is it that I’m trying to say? I played the type of game that I thought I should play, to please the type of people that I thought I should please. But it didn’t work. My game was mine to play, but I gave it away. It’s a wonderful game. Please, don’t lose yours. Play a game that you want to play. Play a game that gives you joy and satisfaction and makes you a better person to your family and friends. Play with enthusiasm, play with freedom. Appreciate the beauty of nature and the people around you. Realize how lucky you are to be able to do it. All too soon your time will be up, and you won’t be able to play anymore. Play a game that enriches your life.
 
Best wishes . . . don't waste a minute of golf . . . someday it will be gone!
 
 
Signed,
 
 
Me
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Purple Heart Vet Goes Missing Diving For Golf Balls

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Allison Kropff of Tampa's 10 News with the ominous report on golf ball retriever and veteran David Voiles going missing at Sherman Hills Golf Course looking for balls.

"Equipment problems, breathing problems, with it being cold, even the gator could possibly be in here," says Shannon Baxter, a golf ball diver.

He says Voiles was a longtime diving enthusiast who just returned from a tour in the Middle East, awarded a purple heart, after surviving an IED attack that nearly cost him his life.
A friend told him about the diving job two years ago as a way to earn extra cash.

Chime In: "The 18 Most Annoying Golf Partners"

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I finally got to spend some quality time with GolfDigest.com's "18 Most Annoying Golf Partners" slideshow and while it's great fun, I've been a little disappointed at the reader nominations in the comments below. Maybe they did such a good job that no one could offer anything to top "Ball Retriever Guy," "Oblivious Guy," the "Air Counter" guy. I was however, slightly hurt by the Plumb Bobber, which hit a little close to home.
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